I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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