Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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