Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
