i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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