just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
