They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
