but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
