Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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