Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
