You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
