The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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