Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
