like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
