I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
