Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
