she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
