First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
