i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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