I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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