Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
