I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
