There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Mom said you looked used
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
