im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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