Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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