I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
