Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
