I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
