life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
you made out with another girl for some wings
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
