I cannot find my penis.
the condom got lost in my hair
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
