i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
