i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
