Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
