I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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