please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
