guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
