the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
