fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
