About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
