so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
