A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My vagina is very pro this idea
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
