I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
