hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
