I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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