i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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