I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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