Who wears a wallet chain?!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
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We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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