Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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