Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
