she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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