So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
