apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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