Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
