Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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