he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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