Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so let's talk penis.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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