Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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