yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
