If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
