I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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