I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
