My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
