Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
