careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
