Jerry, you need to find god
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I am naked and annoyed.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
