winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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