I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
