this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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