The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
