I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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