it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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