just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
